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| what i regret most is the one thing i know makes me unique. my principles have not changed due to outside influences unless those influences are based upon verifiable fact. the convictions i have held largely since childhood are still yet to be disproven. being able to predict almost every action of others and being able to predict my own scenario is only a testament to this. and ever since middle school i knew that this the very spot I'd be in. the only thing I didn't predict is exactly how long it would have taken to get here.
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| I've been prolonging this for half of a decade. i know how to hang on. i am a survivor of many definifions. experience and logic also determine how long is reasonable to survive. if any of my writings on [https://halken.co/ramblings2 halken.co] are to go by, there is no reason i should have even kept a glimmer of hope knowing that i would become the shadow of the person I used to be. all that is left in this corpse is anger and resentment. my death has long since passed and my bed has been my coffin. you've been talking to a dead person all decade long. all I'm doing here is finishing the job.
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| misophonia sucks.
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| society sucks.
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| people suck, but it's usually a result of the societal traditions that are nearly impossible to break on an individual basis. and when it's not due to that, people still suck.
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| for the few people who didn't suck, being forced to endure their departure not only sucks, but it hurts. for as long as it took to find a person i can be happy around, it is but a byproduct of our collective living scenarios for these people to be few and far between.
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| physical sickness sucks.
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| mental illnesses suck.
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| governments suck.
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| the housing market sucks.
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| being misrepresentated by people you choose to spend time with sucks. (the ones reading this who still go on to say I that these actions aren't of a sound mind, this one's also for you. you, specifically, are one of the worst parts about my experience)
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| being forced into choosing risky methods to end your life because dignified death has not been codified into law yet... sucks.
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| anhedonia sucks. it really is different than everything just becoming bleak.
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| i wish my experience here didn't suck.
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| but my experience has to end. if i am being denied happiness, then i'll have to deny you my own misery. i am already nothing more than a pile of bones.
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Revision as of 14:08, 11 September 2023
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