Dec 6 Post
Why do people center discussions around themselves?
Human interaction is a curious phenomenon. Conversations often evolve into something entirely different from where they began, and sometimes, they stray into territory that feels personal. This isn’t necessarily bad, but it's usually fucking baffling when it shifts focus from understanding you to centering them.
Like... I tell someone I collect and carry around phones because of their immense functionality and diversity. To me, it’s an appreciation of design, innovation, and the endless possibilities that fit snugly into a pocket. Different phones, different strengths... it’s a world of exploration. I have a phone for its 200MP main camera paired with a 10x optical telescoping lens. It's a whole-ass cinema setup I can carry without a bookbag. I have a Z Fold that becomes a hidden game consoles that *natively runs Switch games, when paired with yuzu and AR glasses. It's so slick for me to simply bring a controller, and run a cable from my glasses to my pocket and run around, being untethered to a wall or a handheld screen and just play the games I'm familiar with.
Yet, their response isn’t curiosity or encouragement. Instead, they label it “weird” and admit they don’t understand. Whether you understand doesn't have anything to do with my interest. Why did you ask about my interests?
It’s a familiar, frustrating script: instead of engaging with your interest that they asked about, they reframe it through their own lens. And instead of asking further questions, they essentially decide whether or not your interests are valid on the spot based on whether or not they can immediately relate or personally benefit from the considerations that enable your own interests.
A reflex to relate
I get that most people instinctively try to relate to what they hear. It's when they can’t relate, that they dismiss it, often without realizing they’re doing so. That's what I take an issue with; this closed-minded, discussion-ending mindset. They just struggle to step outside their own experience.
Human nature tends to be wary of the unfamiliar. When people encounter something outside their norms, they sometimes default to judgment. Instead of exploring why it excites you, they draw a line between their world and yours. It's dismissive and one of the many reasons I don't bother to engage with conversations like these with most people who don't already share similar interests.
Conversations like these highlight a critical gap in communication: the inability to listen without judgment. Listening doesn’t mean agreeing or even relating—it means understanding. My passions aren't an invitation for critique or approval; it’s a window into the few things that bring me joy. People act like they need to make a profound response, when the only necessary response can be as simple as an "I see...".
But often, people aren’t taught to listen this way. They’re taught to find common ground, to agree or disagree, to validate or challenge. When a conversation doesn’t fit neatly into those boxes, they fumble. I wish people were brought up to act less like robots...