April 17th, 2024

I've always said that a friend is someone you can confide in, someone who you can rely on to understand your scenario in your own context.

Meanwhile, I can't even be a friend to myself. I already forget half of the events that happen to me, but that doesn't mean they don't affect me.

To quote a video game: it's like my story is already over. I just have to remember it.

Existing here wouldn't be so bad if there were any person in my life that had a singular redeeming trait. But statistically, almost everyone I deal with on a daily basis are opportunistic assholes. I give my heart, money, and wellbeing away for being treated like a stranger in return. I have loaned people a non-negligible amount of money while I, myself, was struggling - literally homeless. That was a year ago. I have not seen a cent of it back.

How do you think it feels to be constantly taken advantage of and used by almost every individual person that is in your life? How the graciousness you extend to others has never been considered or returned in any capacity?

I can count on less than one hand how many times I have had a simple favour returned...

Why do people still pretend to be aloof as to someone's certainty in their viewpoint that they hate humans and human interactions? Because it's not possible that they had a negative experience with every person they have interacted with, right?

I gave you all of me until there was nothing left.

Go fuck yourself.

I have nothing left in my heart but despair. And no matter how you want to deny it, you're entirely responsible for it.